Goal Evolution Theory
Phase 1 – Unsophisticated
When was the first time you set a goal? I doubt you did it as a child. A few of you might have done something similar to setting a goal in middle school. Many of you probably got your first taste in high school. Most likely, it was thrust upon you, rather than you seeking it out. Let me elaborate.
Today, schools won’t teach algebra until high school. A few middle schools will make it available to those ready for it. Ever wonder why? Like goal setting, algebra requires abstract reasoning and complex thinking. The same can be said for philosophy and artistic development. Most of us first experience goals by surprise. “What do you want to study in college?” or “Where do you want to go to college?”. Many of us are asked this question before we have had the proper amount of time to think about it and formulate an opinion. We lack enough experience to know what we want. The “unsophisticated” will try to formulate an unprepared response, instead of giving the mature “I don’t know” answer. If you have ever asked a high school student the above questions, you can see the attempt to answer, but most of us know the answer is bogus. Either they will list an out-of-state school that is unlikely or a major that is equally unlikely. If these answers were true, there would be an alarming number of marine biologists or sports agents all attending a West Coast school on a mythical scholarship. But we forgive these lies because we know we also do this.
Right now, I could ask you about an area of your life that is important to you, gather details, and then ask about your goals in this area of your life. We will find areas, you will have well-thought-out answers. In others, you would have nothing. But, instead of saying “I don’t know”, you might formulate what you think the world wants to hear about parenting, career, or some personal relationship. And because of years of practice, your flippant answer will hold up better to casual scrutiny than the high schoolers.
When the world asks us about our goals, they are holding a mirror of our soul up to us to see based on how we answer. We are answering about our future self. When we are prepared with who we want to be in a role in our life (i.e. our career self), the mirror doesn’t bother us. We have already come to terms with this image and we want that image to happen. When we are unprepared, we have to think about who we want to be and be ok with the image we are showing to ourselves in that mirror. Many times, we haven’t had time to wrestle with this enough. Imagine someone asking you about your goals as a parent. And you quickly think, I want to keep them alive and them to not end up in jail. While this has to be true for all of us parents, we want to give a more meaningful answer, but if unprepared, we will give a more sociably acceptable answer about happiness and well-being. This answer is true for every parent, but it speaks of nothing to the values that we would like to hand down to our children. Without intentional thought, this can only be accomplished by a happy accident if the children learn through example alone.
Life in general, keeps us in a very tactical mindset most of our waking hours. We have schedules to keep, chores, and responsibilities to handle. Who has time to be strategic and think about goals? My advice, for areas of your life where you have not had or made time for goals, stick with “I don’t know” until you have time to wrestle with an area that you feel is important enough to have a goal.
Phase 2 – Underdeveloped
As we walk away from a goal question in which we were unprepared and we think about the answer we gave, as our abstract reasoning kicks in, we begin wrestling with the real answer of the image we want to see in the mirror. We take a hard look in the mirror being held up to us and ask, who do I want to be? This takes practice, and like anything we are new at, we will get this wrong more than we get it right early on.
As we are Underdeveloped in our goal-setting abilities we can count on a few things to occur.
We will underestimate ourselves. Not knowing what we are capable of, we will shoot too low. At the age that our abstract reasoning kicks in, many things are happening in our lives too fast. Physical strength development, emotional relationships beginning, first stage independence, new greater responsibilities, and having to be monetarily responsible for yourself. This is a great deal of new things happening all at once. How can you set goals in anything that touches these areas and expect to be accurate with all of these new skills at your young fingertips? These are forgivable reasons to have goals that end up with the bar set too low. For those more mature individuals who are ramping up on goal setting, your underestimation will come from the time of intentional focus. If I give a goal a few minutes a month of intentional focus versus a few hours a week, what is the outcome? You got it, you will over-perform. Very few goals will show a decline from intentional focus.
We will overestimate ourselves. Not knowing our capabilities when we are young can swing the opposite direction as well. I think of many college kids I have known who tell me straight A’s are in their future, only to never hear about grades at the end of the semester. As we get a taste of all of these new things happening in our lives, we feel like the world is our oyster. We are arrogant in our youth. Believing we can achieve anything. This can be good for a goal setter to set the bar high enough to reach for the stars. If you come up short, who cares? You are young, you can try again. For the mature group hitting the Underdeveloped phase, overestimating usually comes at the expense of competing priorities in life or the lack of good habit-building. My advice, take a page out of the younger group’s book and say, who cares? And try again.
We will tie the wrong cause and effect to the outcome. I find this the most interesting part of the Underdeveloped goal-setter. We see success or failure in our goal, and we step back to analyze the situation. This process is correct. However, if we lack experience, we will tie the wrong cause and effect to the outcome. I think of the superstitious athlete. I had success in my sport, so, therefore, I need to keep everything the same to keep having success. Lucky items, like socks, shoes, jewelry, and clothing (sadly even underwear) will be tied to the reason for success. I have found this is something that we as humans do a good job of intuitively allowing anyone (not just athletes) to solve for themselves. You can tell someone that they are being superstitious, but this is a lesson we all seem to know needs to be seen to be believed, by the believer. The lucky socks go missing and the outcome doesn’t change. I use sports as an example here, but I have seen this in all areas of life. Helicopter parents think they are causing a better outcome by being over-involved in their children’s lives and activities. You can read Freakonomics to know that studies show that come the high school years, your child’s peer groups have more influence than you as parents do.
Phase 3 – Evolved
The last phase is Evolved. This is the experienced goal-setter. They have a handle on their abilities. They will still struggle with the common, staying grounded while reaching for the stars issue that all good goal-setters have issues with. The Evolved will look at the important areas of their life, they will face the mirror being held up to them and wrestle with what they want the image of themselves to be. They are comfortable with this image changing over time. They are not worried about what others may think of their motivations.
The Evolved will be better at cause and effect understanding, even in new areas of goal setting. Not to say that they won’t make mistakes in this area, but they will be less likely to make these mistakes. The Evolved will not be perfect at achieving goals. They will be better at analyzing them if they miss them and figuring out if this is still the right goal. If so, they will go about setting up an environment where they can achieve this goal the next time. The Evolved understands that “failure” is not bad or emotional. It is just a step along the path to achieving the goal. The Evolved will not hide failure or triumphantly announce success. They will just look in the mirror and smile at knowing who they have become.
